Sexiness is a social construct

Sexually attractiveness is a social construct that has evolved over time. The Ideal Woman and Ideal Man changes over time, reflecting the ideals of society at that time. If this is the case, then why do we treat sexually attractiveness as an outward tangible quality when in fact it is a constantly fluid and evolving concept? It is a fleeting and seasonal as fashion and therefore will be forever unattainable.

 

1920’s

Woman were slim, fun and free with short wavy hair and loose fitting dresses. The ‘girlie’ or younger a woman appeared to be, the more attractive she was considered.

Men, on the other hand, were suited, sharp, often with cultured moustaches and slicked-back hair.

1940’s

As everyone knows the 1940’s was dominated by pin-up girls. Curvy women in tight clothes, small waists and flashing their suspenders and stockings. This look went in hand with women’s rise in society to fill the gaps left by men going to war and at the same time, the overt sexuality of the look appeased the men at war.

On the other hand, baby-faced men suddenly became popular. Smooth skin, bright smiles, dancing shoes and charm is what became highly sought after.

 

1960’s

Sexual freedom reigned in the 60’s and the rise of the mini-skirt conquered all. Big hair, short skirts and slim figures were back in fashion. Some elements of this period correlates to the 1920’s; dresses were often loose or box shaped, women were expected to be fun-loving and young to be attractive.

For men, The Beatles ruled all. The dark hair, sharp haircuts, skinny build and loose fitting clothes were what all the women wanted.

 

1990’s

Small boobs, short hair and ‘the girl next door’ look reigned supreme in the 90’s. It was all about trying to achieve that ‘cute and sweet’ look with low key make-up and jeans with a T-shirt.

Baby-face men with blonde hair, blue eyes and ‘curtains’ made hearts melt. Boy bands were back in fashion and fresh faced ‘boys’ were plastered over magazines as the ideal man.

 

2000’s

Good girls gone bad was the look of this age. Skimpy clothing, overt sexuality and lean bodies were the desired traits in women. Long (usually blonde) hair to compliment tanned skin and finely manicured nails. The rise of the high maintenance woman peaked.

The Metro-sexual man was accepted in this time. Long scruffy hair, skinny with a devil-may-care attitude and a cheeky smile. Yet he was also expected to have smooth, clear skin, clean hair and a shaven chest.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – JULY 28: Host/Executive Producer Russell Brand speaks onstage at the “Brand X with Russell Brand” panel during the FX portion of the 2012 Summer TCA Tour on July 28, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

2010’s

‘Thick’ girls got a come-back. The curvy pin-up look from the 40’s because the ideal body; rooted in ideas of accepting your body, it relegated ‘skinny’ girls to the side in favour of women with large breasts, thighs and bums.

Traditional signs of masculinity, such as a bearded and hairy chest, were held up as the pinnacle of a man with the ‘lumberjack’ look being highly popular.

 

As we move towards the beginning of the 2020’s tastes are changing yet again. Strong women are the goal; physically as well as mentally. It’s no longer unusual for women to be found in the free weights section of the gym, pumping muscle and regulating their protein intake through supplements. Yet curves are still wanted, now bodies are expected to be lean and curvy, with naturally large breasts or bums winning over plastic surgery.

For men, expectations are moving towards being physically lean in a smart suit but with a trace of stubble. The return of the Dapper Gentleman with a touch of the masculine traits from early in the decade.

 

Societies expectations or standards of beauty constantly evolves for all genders. Therefore, we should stop trying to be what we see in magazines or movies because in 5 to 10 years the ideal will have changed yet again. We should be who we want to be and we’ll find someone who see’s that beauty no matter what form it comes in.

 

 

 

 

 

FYI

This will always be my perfect man ❤ 😉

I am Jacks total lack of Concentration

Focus, Concentration; Things that so many of us don’t even think about actively doing. If something interests us we hone in on it, our surroundings melt away and our minds take the time to digest the information being received.

I notice my lack of concentration when it rears its head. It’s always a sign of my anxiety flaring up or my medication dosage has recently been changed. It affects my ability to do anything; hold a conversation, read a book, watch a show. These 2 paragraphs have already taken me far too long to write because I phase out half way through a train of thought.

I literally have to fight with my brain to make it focus, to make it work properly when I’m like this. It’s tiring, which makes it even more difficult. All I want to do right now is nap. I can feel myself slipping into a doze-like state, reality becoming fuzzy around the edges. This link perfectly explains the different issues I have because of it.

I’m writing this to try and make myself concentrate on one thing. It’s the only thing I can actively do to help myself. It’s also a reminder for those who don’t ever suffer from this; be patient when interacting with someone with depression. They may be struggling to follow the conversation or engage the way they would like to. It isn’t a slight to you or the conversation; it is purely an unfortunate side effect of the illness.

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*I love a fight club reference!

 

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health day  and it’s important, now more than ever, that we openly discuss mental health issues and the impact they can have on people’s lives. Roughly 1 in 4 people in the UK will, have or do suffer from a mental illness. Yet, Mental health research receives only 5.5% (£115 million) of total UK health research spending.

Mental illness is such a common problem, particularly for those aged between 18-30. The small funding that is provided for research is a drop in the water compared to the size of the problem. To add to this mental health services in the UK are overstretched, have long waiting times and, in some regions, lack specialist services meaning that even if someone asks for help they can be waiting a long time before they receive it.

These facts and figures can no longer be considered acceptable. Mental health is becoming a topic people can more openly discuss but it also needs recognised as an area that needs more funding and political attention.

We also need to allow people the opportunity to look after themselves; to take a day on the sofa without social interaction, to spoil themselves with a special purchase, to take a moment to address their mental health needs and meet them. In everyday life we are encouraged to look after our bodies, our careers, our relationships; we need to put more focus on looking after our own mental state.

Mental health needs to be taught in schools the same way that physical and sexual health is. If we can inform people of the common symptoms, feelings or problems then perhaps we can also teach people ways of coping through things such as mindfulness, meditation or ask for counselling.

Mental illness cannot continue to rise the way it has in recent years. We need to re-evaluate how we treat it, prevent it and educate ourselves on it. Today is Mental Health Day, let’s start changing things by taking the time today to address our own mental health needs and catering to them.

 

 

Harley Quinn: Strong, Vulnerable and Crazy

Harley Quinn has become a household name thanks to the new Suicide Squad film. Her rise to popularity has been growing for a while through her ‘rebirth’ in the Arkham console games to her standalone comic book series. It may surprise some to know that Harley, real name Harleen Quinzel, originated in Batman: The animated series and has only been part of the DC universe since 1992. Her character has been dissected, analysed and discussed at great length but I want to focus on two specific aspects of her: her sexual appeal and her relationship with the Joker.

 

The picture shown above perfectly sums up a common cry of some Harley Quinn fans; it is only now that she is sexualised in the films/games that people know who she is. However, I think this conclusion is unfair both to new, and old fans, of Harley.

Sexuality can be used as a weapon and is Harley’s weapon of choice. Her ditzy attitude, acrobatics, tight or skimpy clothes and flirtatious nature are all used to push her enemies into lowering their defences around her. The oldest trick in the book (and one every female knows) is to flutter her eyelashes, make her voice sound childish/feminine and act a bit dumb. A father figure will want to protect her and other men may under estimate her allowing her to get her way. This isn’t done to attract male (or female) attention. Harley owns this in a way no other superhero or villain out there does; this is part of her armour and her arsenal.

 

The second, and more controversial, part of Harley is her relationship with the Joker. It can only be described as abusive, both mentally and physically, with Harley being manipulated again and again by the Joker for his own ends. She gave up who she was previously (a psychiatrist in Arkham Asylum) and walked away from her normal life to become exactly what Joker wanted her to be. This is a highly intelligent character who repeatedly returns to her abuser, an issue many people criticise her writers for.

Harley’s love of her ‘puddin’ is one-sided, obsessive and violent. However, it shows that people are different depending on who they surround themselves with. In her standalone comics, Harley is more of an anti-hero, helping people and channelling her violent nature through roller derby. It is only when she is with the Joker that she maims, tortures and kills in an attempt to impress him and win his love. Many accuse the writers of making Harley another weak woman in this relationship but it is showing a flawed character, who made bad choices and is trying to justify them so she remains. Her displays of vulnerability are a break from the norm in terms of female villains and move the reader/watcher to feel sympathy for her. It also evolves her character past a simple ‘bad guy’.

In the New 52 standalone Harley comics she has moved cities, put Joker behind her and is trying to define herself without him. There is even a couple of comics where she faces the abuse she endured from the Joker and finds some closure. This is an inspirational character that has continued to be strong despite recovering from an abusive relationship. To downplay the abuse she faced or to ignore it is to diminish the complexity and strength of her character.

Harley Quinn is an imperfect woman with more complex flaws than most comic book characters. She embraces her sexuality, her flaws and her past to continue to be strong, vulnerable, intelligent and, most important of all, crazy.

 

 

 

 

If you want a more all-encompassing analysis on Harley I would recommend:

https://girloncomicbookworld.com/2014/12/30/harley-quinn-psychology-character-analysis/

 

The importance of Context

Context is defined as:   “The situation within which something exists or happens, and that can help explain it”.

Context is something that we, as a society, seem to have forgotten about. When the latest atrocity hits our news outlets we look at it in isolation. We try and analyse why it has happened, what could have caused it but this is done without taking into account the context in which the act happened. By dismissing societal norms and ignoring outside influences (unless its extremist islam, we actively look for that)  we fail to fully understand the situation.

Everyday situations also require us to consider context. We are quick to judge or jump to conclusions about each other but often this is done without holding all of the facts. This leads us to a narrow view and understanding of the world.

Recently I have wanted to scream the word context at so many reports on the news or to peoples arguments online. The media takes issues or topics in isolation to report them but this has lead society to treat all things in this manner. Arguments or opinions should be informed with supporting facts and many of these facts are related to the incident, not neccesarily just about that one incident.

Until society, including mediaoutlets, start to discuss things in their context, we cannot hope to reach an understanding of how to stop it from happening again or how to solve the problem at hand. Knowledge leads to understanding which in turn can lead to solutions. Without all the facts, we can never resolve an problem effectively.

Legalising Sex Work

Despite being ‘the oldest profession’, sex work is a profoundly controversial issue in this day and age. Many consider sex work to be purely prostitution or porn actors but this term also covers phone sex lines, exotic dancing, webcam modelling and peepshow performances. In the UK this type of work is still looked down upon and the women and men who are employed in this industry face prejudice and in some cases persecution from the law.

Earlier this year, Amnesty International made the decision to recommend the full decriminalisation of all aspects of consensual sex work. The word choice that has been used is critical in understanding what they are supporting. Consensual has been included to stress that the organisation still recognises the issue of sex trafficking and is not endorsing this. Sex trafficking is considered a separate issue to be tackled in various ways. Some argue that decriminalisation can help this; if all sex workers are registered as such then those that operate illegally will be easier to spot and therefore help.

Despite the good intentions, Amnesty International has faced a lot of criticism from various women’s groups for this decision. The decision is important as the organisation will use its weight to lobby governments to accept its point of view.

“We recognise that this critical human rights issue is hugely complex and that is why we have addressed this issue from the perspective of international human rights standards,” said Salil Shetty, the secretary general of Amnesty International. “We also consulted with our global movement to take on board different views from around the world.”

For years the debate has raged around whether or not this work should be legal and regulated, particularly in the case of prostitution. On one hand, it is argued that legalising sex work increases the chances of sex-trafficking and ignores the experiences of women who have been forced into prostitution in the past. This side of the debate maintains that men should be criminalised for buying sex therefore reducing the attraction of the trade for traffickers. Advocates for this model believe that no one chooses to enter or enjoys prostitution therefore legalising it only continues the harm that is being done to these men and women.

the other side of the argument states that prostitution can be a choice and by regulating it we can protect those who sell their body from harm. Decriminalising the act would mean that these men and women are entitled to the same rights and protection as other employees. It also could create more income for the governments in the form of taxes therefore taking the money out of the pockets of criminals and putting it to good use in society.

Personally I support the legalisation of prostitution. there is a number of issues surrounding the trade but I believe the only way to protect people is to allow them to be open and honest about what they do. This allows them the freedom to ask for help when they need it and also the freedom to leave the profession when they chose to do so. At the moment, explaining a four year employment gap in a CV could put most employers off.

I also think it is unfair to say that all men and women in this line of work do not enjoy it even if they say they do. It belittles the experiences and opinions of a wide swathe of sex workers who are bascially told that they cannot think for themselves because they are happy in their work. People should be allowed to make their own decisions in life, even if it is one that others don’t agree with.

Whatever side of the argument you stand on, Amnesty International’s decision is a huge one. The frame of mind concerning sex work around the world is changing, finally pulling the practice out into the spotlight and dealing with the various issues that it brings.

 

For more information around this topic I suggest reading

 http://www.thenation.com/article/should-buying-sex-be-illegal/

 

 

Feminism needs Rebranded

Feminism is a term which has out lived its use. Originally it was used to describe the movement where women demanded equal rights as their male counterparts in areas such as pay, employment and sex. Nowadays most feminists would say that they strive towards equality of the sex’s and cover topics that include LGBT rights, violence against men and racism. If its equality for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, that’s being aimed at, why use a gender specific word?

Third wave feminism argues  that  it is because we live in a patriarchal society that we face the social issues they are trying to fight; therefore the gender specific word ‘feminism’ is to fight against this ‘man’s world’. However, recently feminists have been addressing the ways in which society affects men discussing how men are discouraged from showing their emotions, reporting violence and repressing homosexual feelings . These are important problems in society that need to be challenged, discussed and changed, yet this can only be done through engagement of all genders.

Feminists have been cast by history as men-hating, slutty, bullying ugly women who argue that men have it better in life to justify their lower social standing. This provokes hatred from both sexes for a multitude of reasons and undermines feminist’s goals. For feminist values to be embraced by all, it must be seen to represent all. By rebranding the ideas within feminism as egalitarianism, or some such similar term, it encompasses all genders, sexual orientation, race and disability. This does not mean that women’s issues would take a back seat, but rather they would be treated equally with the other social problems that feminism seeks to address at the moment whilst at the same time shrugging off the negative images that the word ‘feminism’ can invoke.

Third wave feminism has been accused of lacking a central aim so maybe it is time to scrap the outdated term and rebrand the issues and discussions with a clear end game in sight; equality for all in all areas of life.

Gaming and Children; Age Ratings Matter

Last week was every gamers favourite week; E3. E3 is the entertainment expo that allows gaming companies to showcase their upcoming titles and for console companies to reveal their latest hardware/software developments. Gamers of all ages love a chance to see the next thing in gaming being revealed at these shows. Yet little consideration is taking into account that the games shown are not suitable for all ages.

Games, just like films, have age ratings which are determined by the content of the game. Violence, sex, horror and drugs are just some of the factors taken into account when rating a game. The Pan European Game Information (PEGI) was launched in 2003 as a single system used throughout Europe to rate games according to age appropriate content. The age ratings are 3, 7, 12, 16 and 18 and include warnings on the labels to warn of particular content to make both gamers and parents aware of what the game consists of and why it has been given the particular rating it has. PEGI was only to be used as a guideline until 2012 when it was accepted as law in the UK, making it illegal to sell an 18 rated game to anyone under that age.

Research has shown that children are influenced by playing games. It mostly centres on skills such as visual attention, reaction times, the development of cognitive skills such as spatial perception or strategic thinking, planning or hypothesis testing. Video gaming could be used to enhance skills of flexibility (ability to shift from one task to another) and behavioural inhibition (ability to prevent oneself from doing something inappropriate) in children. This would have a significant impact on their ability to regulate their own thoughts and behaviour, which is one of the developmental challenges of childhood and could be of great benefit to children. There are other potential benefits of video games in terms of offering the chance to open up the imagination and explore other worlds, conquer fears and develop a sense of identity. There are many potential areas where games could have great positive potential for the mental and physical health of children and for education”

However, there is also a chance for gaming to have a negative impact when parents ignore age ratings and buy their children 18 rated games. ‘Grand Theft Auto’, ‘Left for Dead’, ‘Mortal Kombat’ and ‘Saints Row’ are all games that have high levels of violence, sex, gore and sexism, yet are often played by children as young as 8. Games are not just aimed at children any longer and those targeted at adults have content that can be potentially damaging to a child’s development.

I am not saying that playing ‘Grand Theft Auto’ will make a child go and kill everyone but I am concerned that these games can foster a view of the world that is unhealthy and can stunt a child’s emotional development. A common criticism of games is that they are extremely sexist; women are often there for sexual gratification, either of the characters or the players through the female characters (often skimpy) clothes. A young child playing this could form a harmful perception of women and see violence towards them as acceptable.

Most parents would not let their child watch a film that is rated 18 as they would not want their child to be exposed to the scenes, yet, arguably, gaming is more harmful as it is an interactive experience where the child chooses to commit the acts on screen instead of passively watching it, like a film.

Parents need to be more involved in their children’s gaming choices or at least educate themselves on the content of the game before purchase. Gaming can and is meant to be harmless fun but parents need to consider the age rating on games as important as those on films.

50 Shades of Abuse

After hearing so many different opinions on ‘50 Shades of Grey’ I finally bit the bullet and decided to read it. I felt that this was the only way I could form an honest opinion on the book. It is dreadful.

Before I even discuss the content of the book I must address the writing; it is appalling. I’ve read steamier sex scenes in a sex education pamphlet. Instead of being aroused I found myself bored and wanting it to be over. You want real sex scenes in a book? Read the Sookie Stackhouse novels. The sex scenes in 50 shades burns down to the heroine (Anastasia Steele) receiving copious amounts of oral from Christian Grey which proceeds into the missionary position. Wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to say the least.

As for the BDSM, there are fewer instances of it than I expected and most of it is very tame. A few spankings, some jiggle balls and being tied up. For many people this is not that far out of their normal sex life yet the writer tries to make the reader feel that it is all very taboo through Anastasia’s reactions.

The characters make me want to kill someone. Anastasia is a simpering idiot of a woman who has little to no personality. I hate her more than I hate Bella Swan from twilight (which funnily enough is what 50 shades of grey got its inspiration from). Christian Grey isn’t much better. His mood changes make me think he’s perpetually PMT’ing. He’s hot then he’s cold then he’s boring.

The character interactions are the only thing worth taking some time to discuss. A common complaint about this book is that it describes an abusive relationship. Having now read it in full I can say I agree. Christian controls every aspect of Ana’s life from where she goes, who she’s with to what and how much she eats. By making Ana sign a non-disclosure form he legally isolates her, preventing her from discussing their relationship and its problems with any friends or family leaving her completely reliant on Christian. Ana also starts to alter her behaviour so as not to anger Christian and repeatedly describes feeling intimidated and scared of him. Christian justifies his actions through the use of the sub/dom relationship stating that Ana should want to please Christian at all times and if she feels unhappy she should put these feelings aside for him.

A true happy consensual BDSM relationship fulfils a need that both parties have. It is conducted in a safe way that both parties have agreed to in a way that makes both participants happy. Some studies support the idea that BDSM actually makes relationships closer as long as both parties have consented to all actions involved.

This is not a happy, consensual BDSM relationship. This is the perfect description of abuse; the isolation, fear, controlling, stalking, jealousy and anger. Christian is only concerned about his own satisfaction, taking Ana’s virginity as ‘a means to an end’. Ana frequently voices her dislike of being hurt through spanking etc yet Christian proceeds to inflict this on her as it fills a need he has. He manipulates her emotionally in order for him to get what he wants. This is abuse.

For this type of relationship to be accepted and in some cases celebrated by the mainstream is harmful to society. It harms those who have experienced these relationships as well as teaching the next generation that this is acceptable behaviour. A recent study conducted found that 2 in 5 girls between the ages of 13-17 have been coerced into sex acts. This is the highest rate in Europe. Films/books like 50 shades continue to promote the idea that a girl is there to do whatever the man in the relationship wants and it encourages men to take what they want from a girl even if she’s not happy about it. This is what the media should be helping to fight, not promoting.

The book also is giving the BDSM community a bad image. It is not a place where abuse is everywhere, it is a community of people who know what they like and how to go about it in a safe manner. Nothing that is described can be called a BDSM relationship.

A campaign has been launched called #50dollarsnot50shades that encourages people to boycott the film and donate the money they would use to go see it to a woman’s crisis centre or charity. This helps those who have been in these relationships rather than supporting them. I personally think that this is a better way to spend your money than sitting through a dull film about an abusive relationship disguising itself as remarkably tame erotic.

 

Hidden Abuse: On the Rise

The number of people who have experience of abusive relationships is on the rise. These are not necessarily physically abusive; in fact a majority of them are psychological. These mentally abusive and manipulative relationships are now being described as ‘coercive control’ by the government as it debates the value of criminalising this behaviour.

Previously, this behaviour has been viewed as a symptom of physically abusive relationships but recent research indicates that mental abuse precludes any violence. By controlling the victims’ actions and restricting their contact with anyone else the perpetrator can normalise this behaviour and when/if it escalates into violence it is easier to lay the blame on the victim as they have already internalised the idea that it is their fault if something goes wrong. This can have devastating consequences with statistics showing that seven women and two men are killed by current or former partners per month in England and Wales.

30% of women have reported having experienced this type of relationship. However, it should be noted that it is not just women who are the victims. Plenty of men have been in psychologically controlling and abusive relationships. Both genders describe the relationships as having started normally but slowly, at their partners’ behest, they eliminate undesirable aspects of their personality and behaviour, friends, family, hobbies etc. Self confidence falls dramatically and many describe feeling the need to avoid arguments at all costs and therefore fulfilling any requests of their partner. This continual negative reinforcement instils the idea that the victim is to blame for all the unhappiness in the relationship.

Victim-blaming, a disturbingly common conception in mainstream media, lays all the blame of any abuse received at the feet of the victim; whether this abuse be physical, sexual or psychological. This further internalises the concept to the victim that it is somehow their fault, resulting in them being less likely to seek help for fear of the reaction they will receive.

Criminalising this behaviour would provide legitimacy to those suffering and perhaps encourage them to come forward or leave the relationship without fear of judgement. However, a societal change is also required. People need to be more understanding of the mental state of the victim and if it’s a friend or family to continue to support them even if they continue to return to their abusive partner. Providing support, encouragement and noticing changes in friends can help to identify these relationships and perhaps even improve the rates at which women leave them before the psychological becomes physical and the victim becomes another statistic in abuse reports.