The number of people who have experience of abusive relationships is on the rise. These are not necessarily physically abusive; in fact a majority of them are psychological. These mentally abusive and manipulative relationships are now being described as ‘coercive control’ by the government as it debates the value of criminalising this behaviour.
Previously, this behaviour has been viewed as a symptom of physically abusive relationships but recent research indicates that mental abuse precludes any violence. By controlling the victims’ actions and restricting their contact with anyone else the perpetrator can normalise this behaviour and when/if it escalates into violence it is easier to lay the blame on the victim as they have already internalised the idea that it is their fault if something goes wrong. This can have devastating consequences with statistics showing that seven women and two men are killed by current or former partners per month in England and Wales.
30% of women have reported having experienced this type of relationship. However, it should be noted that it is not just women who are the victims. Plenty of men have been in psychologically controlling and abusive relationships. Both genders describe the relationships as having started normally but slowly, at their partners’ behest, they eliminate undesirable aspects of their personality and behaviour, friends, family, hobbies etc. Self confidence falls dramatically and many describe feeling the need to avoid arguments at all costs and therefore fulfilling any requests of their partner. This continual negative reinforcement instils the idea that the victim is to blame for all the unhappiness in the relationship.
Victim-blaming, a disturbingly common conception in mainstream media, lays all the blame of any abuse received at the feet of the victim; whether this abuse be physical, sexual or psychological. This further internalises the concept to the victim that it is somehow their fault, resulting in them being less likely to seek help for fear of the reaction they will receive.
Criminalising this behaviour would provide legitimacy to those suffering and perhaps encourage them to come forward or leave the relationship without fear of judgement. However, a societal change is also required. People need to be more understanding of the mental state of the victim and if it’s a friend or family to continue to support them even if they continue to return to their abusive partner. Providing support, encouragement and noticing changes in friends can help to identify these relationships and perhaps even improve the rates at which women leave them before the psychological becomes physical and the victim becomes another statistic in abuse reports.
Thoughts of a Millennial 