Sexiness is a social construct

Sexually attractiveness is a social construct that has evolved over time. The Ideal Woman and Ideal Man changes over time, reflecting the ideals of society at that time. If this is the case, then why do we treat sexually attractiveness as an outward tangible quality when in fact it is a constantly fluid and evolving concept? It is a fleeting and seasonal as fashion and therefore will be forever unattainable.

 

1920’s

Woman were slim, fun and free with short wavy hair and loose fitting dresses. The ‘girlie’ or younger a woman appeared to be, the more attractive she was considered.

Men, on the other hand, were suited, sharp, often with cultured moustaches and slicked-back hair.

1940’s

As everyone knows the 1940’s was dominated by pin-up girls. Curvy women in tight clothes, small waists and flashing their suspenders and stockings. This look went in hand with women’s rise in society to fill the gaps left by men going to war and at the same time, the overt sexuality of the look appeased the men at war.

On the other hand, baby-faced men suddenly became popular. Smooth skin, bright smiles, dancing shoes and charm is what became highly sought after.

 

1960’s

Sexual freedom reigned in the 60’s and the rise of the mini-skirt conquered all. Big hair, short skirts and slim figures were back in fashion. Some elements of this period correlates to the 1920’s; dresses were often loose or box shaped, women were expected to be fun-loving and young to be attractive.

For men, The Beatles ruled all. The dark hair, sharp haircuts, skinny build and loose fitting clothes were what all the women wanted.

 

1990’s

Small boobs, short hair and ‘the girl next door’ look reigned supreme in the 90’s. It was all about trying to achieve that ‘cute and sweet’ look with low key make-up and jeans with a T-shirt.

Baby-face men with blonde hair, blue eyes and ‘curtains’ made hearts melt. Boy bands were back in fashion and fresh faced ‘boys’ were plastered over magazines as the ideal man.

 

2000’s

Good girls gone bad was the look of this age. Skimpy clothing, overt sexuality and lean bodies were the desired traits in women. Long (usually blonde) hair to compliment tanned skin and finely manicured nails. The rise of the high maintenance woman peaked.

The Metro-sexual man was accepted in this time. Long scruffy hair, skinny with a devil-may-care attitude and a cheeky smile. Yet he was also expected to have smooth, clear skin, clean hair and a shaven chest.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – JULY 28: Host/Executive Producer Russell Brand speaks onstage at the “Brand X with Russell Brand” panel during the FX portion of the 2012 Summer TCA Tour on July 28, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

2010’s

‘Thick’ girls got a come-back. The curvy pin-up look from the 40’s because the ideal body; rooted in ideas of accepting your body, it relegated ‘skinny’ girls to the side in favour of women with large breasts, thighs and bums.

Traditional signs of masculinity, such as a bearded and hairy chest, were held up as the pinnacle of a man with the ‘lumberjack’ look being highly popular.

 

As we move towards the beginning of the 2020’s tastes are changing yet again. Strong women are the goal; physically as well as mentally. It’s no longer unusual for women to be found in the free weights section of the gym, pumping muscle and regulating their protein intake through supplements. Yet curves are still wanted, now bodies are expected to be lean and curvy, with naturally large breasts or bums winning over plastic surgery.

For men, expectations are moving towards being physically lean in a smart suit but with a trace of stubble. The return of the Dapper Gentleman with a touch of the masculine traits from early in the decade.

 

Societies expectations or standards of beauty constantly evolves for all genders. Therefore, we should stop trying to be what we see in magazines or movies because in 5 to 10 years the ideal will have changed yet again. We should be who we want to be and we’ll find someone who see’s that beauty no matter what form it comes in.

 

 

 

 

 

FYI

This will always be my perfect man ❤ 😉

Hidden Abuse: On the Rise

The number of people who have experience of abusive relationships is on the rise. These are not necessarily physically abusive; in fact a majority of them are psychological. These mentally abusive and manipulative relationships are now being described as ‘coercive control’ by the government as it debates the value of criminalising this behaviour.

Previously, this behaviour has been viewed as a symptom of physically abusive relationships but recent research indicates that mental abuse precludes any violence. By controlling the victims’ actions and restricting their contact with anyone else the perpetrator can normalise this behaviour and when/if it escalates into violence it is easier to lay the blame on the victim as they have already internalised the idea that it is their fault if something goes wrong. This can have devastating consequences with statistics showing that seven women and two men are killed by current or former partners per month in England and Wales.

30% of women have reported having experienced this type of relationship. However, it should be noted that it is not just women who are the victims. Plenty of men have been in psychologically controlling and abusive relationships. Both genders describe the relationships as having started normally but slowly, at their partners’ behest, they eliminate undesirable aspects of their personality and behaviour, friends, family, hobbies etc. Self confidence falls dramatically and many describe feeling the need to avoid arguments at all costs and therefore fulfilling any requests of their partner. This continual negative reinforcement instils the idea that the victim is to blame for all the unhappiness in the relationship.

Victim-blaming, a disturbingly common conception in mainstream media, lays all the blame of any abuse received at the feet of the victim; whether this abuse be physical, sexual or psychological. This further internalises the concept to the victim that it is somehow their fault, resulting in them being less likely to seek help for fear of the reaction they will receive.

Criminalising this behaviour would provide legitimacy to those suffering and perhaps encourage them to come forward or leave the relationship without fear of judgement. However, a societal change is also required. People need to be more understanding of the mental state of the victim and if it’s a friend or family to continue to support them even if they continue to return to their abusive partner. Providing support, encouragement and noticing changes in friends can help to identify these relationships and perhaps even improve the rates at which women leave them before the psychological becomes physical and the victim becomes another statistic in abuse reports.

#yesallwomen – no all men

 

A young American man goes on a killing spree due to being rejected by various women, two hundred Nigerian girls kidnapped, two young Indian girls gang raped and hung from a tree; All highly publicised, recent international incidents of violence against women. The twitter #yesallwomen campaign has highlighted the everyday harassment and abuse that women receive and put up with. These combined has put violence against women and misogyny to the top of international headlines and discussion.

A recent study revealed that 65% of women experience harrasment on a daily basis while 43% have been exposed to in some way. These figures are frightening. These things are not meant to be an everyday experience yet when I sat down and thought about it I realised how much these figures rang true for my female friends and me. I realised our collective actions were influenced by a built in instinct that I had never before questioned.

I had never questioned that my female friends and I ask each other to text to make sure we got home ok, to call each other if walking in the dark alone, to walk with keys between my fingers, to watch out to see if I’m being followed and if so change my route to double check,    to put my head down as I walk past a group of young men with my headphones on and music up loud. All of these things (and more) I do on a daily basis without thinking.

 

 

The response to the campaign has been varied. Some individuals perpetuate the stories and attempt to attack the women posting whilst others argue that it’s unfair and also sexist to label all men as such lecherous people. I agree with #noallmen. Not all men are like this, in fact many are the exact opposite or worse they do not even realise what they are doing or saying is harassment in the eyes of the woman it is directed at.

It shocks me to think that I have never stopped to question my own actions. It’s an accepted part of being a woman that these are the things we do to protect ourselves from men.  It’s our responsibility to be aware of how we look, where we go and what we do to prevent us from being harassed or attacked.

The responsibility should not be ours alone. Society needs to recognise the extent of these everyday occurrences and make attempts at educating and therefore preventing this behaviour. I am not as naive to think that this behaviour will disappear overnight but to have the hope it will change in the future. The #yesallwomen campaign has drawn continual and massive attention to this issue. The test now lies in whether society as a whole attempts to address it or if the following generation of women will grow up with the same instincts and experiences as myself.

 

 

Double standards

Lindsay Lohan has graced our news this week for supposedly writing a list of over 30 famous men that’s she’s slept with, some of whom are married. Yet it is not the men who are being shamed but Lohan, for having a high ‘number’.

The number of people an individual has slept with is still considered an indication of how much of a man a guy is or how much of a whore a girl is. This double standard still prevails despite it being more acceptable to explore your sexuality. 

Women can’t be the one on the prowl on a night out, they are always a mans prey.  A strong sexual woman is slut-shamed for being easy and having little respect for herself. Yet men can do the same thing, infact encouraged by society, and be praised for their number and ‘conquests’. These same men who take numerous girls home will label an unwilling girl as a prude.

This double standard reeks of sexism and harks back to the days when woman had to be virgins before marriage or they were ‘unclean’. How a man or woman chooses to live their life shouldn’t be dictated by what others judge as acceptable, instead everyones paths through life are different. And men, next time you take a girl home treat her with respect,  she may just be looking for fun as you are and that doesn’t make her any less deserving of your respect.

Steak and BJ day

March 14th is unofficially known as Valentines day for men aka Steak and blowjob day. Every year this ‘holiday’ causes an extreme divide.

Is this a harmless day poking fun at the idea that valentines day is for women or is this a sexist, misogynistic and stupid ‘holiday’?

The idea is simple. Men do not want flowers, teddies and chocolates, they want steak and blowjobs.

Yet this assumption that women should ‘service’ their men in return for having been treated on valentines day is the one that sparks the most outrage. The outdated concept of men requiring sexual favours from their women and it being expected of them on a particular day is why its decried as sexist.

Yet, most people agree that men are the ones expected to treat the women on valentines day, isn’t this also sexist?

Either way, this day attracts more attention every year and doesn’t look like it’s going to die down any time soon.